I badly need a break. Wish I could jet off someplace the upcoming Labour Day weekend. Just so exhausted... Been getting dpeendent on coffee again... sad thing is, it'll only work to perk me up for a few hours.
I've been learning a lot about people these few weeks. Learning... but not necessarily understanding. In fact, making me all the more perplexed. Of course I know people are not often as simple as they seem, but I didn't expect how really complex someone can be.
I'm dreading a someone returning back to the equation next week. Keep thinking of how P had said how a good year the last was. We have not even reached the halfway point and things are already so bad. I'm dreading how long until we can contain all these stuff...
So many weird cases have been cropping up. Had an urgent meeting until almost 11pm on Thursday... seemed dejavu when I had to report back to work too few hours later. But that night had to be the longest hour of my life. With the temper bubbling and brewing, I was so stricken that someone would get hurt. Deserved. But still not the way for things to go. Thank-god things went on pretty much civilly.
Then have had to fulfil so many engagements these few weeks. Was so zonked yesterday. So felt like not coming, but SB offered to pick me up after work. Plus it seemed so bad to not turn up, so thought I should at least show my face for a while. Then felt bad to just stay a short while. We ended up being among the last to leave.
Seems to have had to be out of the office every other day these few weeks. SPT finally had time to meet us for our long-overdue first quarter meeting. During break, SPT broached topic of me moving. I'm gratified that SPT thinks so highly of me that he'd want me to be at the helm by myself. It's a great opportunity. An interesting challenge. I'm confident of not messing things up. And as such, I suspect I could get promo in another couple of years. I would have a better chance for the VPA-ship. But at what price? Working at HPP would mean my life would totally be taken over. Of course I would be pleased for the chance to advance, but even the prospect of moving there is making me feel so unhappy. SPT can't force my hand. And he can't put a strike against me for declining. But now it's disturbing me...
How do you figure out a conclusion to an unclear aspiration? I'd love to stay, but I think it's time to go. But the heart is heavy even at the thought. I'd wanna try something different, I just want out of this ministry. I've been scouting more actively since the great big white building deal fell through. But I'm not exactly sure what I want to do. I've even gotten a few offers. But I'm not exactly sure what I want to do. I'm pretty sure I don't wanna stay in this ministry. But it seems silly to remove myself from permanent establishment and be relegated to contractual basis, when it might not be where I want to be after all. I'm terrified to lose that security. Coz I'm not the only one depending on me.
Fear of the unknown is crippling me. Obligations tying me up in knots.
I've been learning a lot about people these few weeks. Learning... but not necessarily understanding. In fact, making me all the more perplexed. Of course I know people are not often as simple as they seem, but I didn't expect how really complex someone can be.
I'm dreading a someone returning back to the equation next week. Keep thinking of how P had said how a good year the last was. We have not even reached the halfway point and things are already so bad. I'm dreading how long until we can contain all these stuff...
So many weird cases have been cropping up. Had an urgent meeting until almost 11pm on Thursday... seemed dejavu when I had to report back to work too few hours later. But that night had to be the longest hour of my life. With the temper bubbling and brewing, I was so stricken that someone would get hurt. Deserved. But still not the way for things to go. Thank-god things went on pretty much civilly.
Then have had to fulfil so many engagements these few weeks. Was so zonked yesterday. So felt like not coming, but SB offered to pick me up after work. Plus it seemed so bad to not turn up, so thought I should at least show my face for a while. Then felt bad to just stay a short while. We ended up being among the last to leave.
Seems to have had to be out of the office every other day these few weeks. SPT finally had time to meet us for our long-overdue first quarter meeting. During break, SPT broached topic of me moving. I'm gratified that SPT thinks so highly of me that he'd want me to be at the helm by myself. It's a great opportunity. An interesting challenge. I'm confident of not messing things up. And as such, I suspect I could get promo in another couple of years. I would have a better chance for the VPA-ship. But at what price? Working at HPP would mean my life would totally be taken over. Of course I would be pleased for the chance to advance, but even the prospect of moving there is making me feel so unhappy. SPT can't force my hand. And he can't put a strike against me for declining. But now it's disturbing me...
How do you figure out a conclusion to an unclear aspiration? I'd love to stay, but I think it's time to go. But the heart is heavy even at the thought. I'd wanna try something different, I just want out of this ministry. I've been scouting more actively since the great big white building deal fell through. But I'm not exactly sure what I want to do. I've even gotten a few offers. But I'm not exactly sure what I want to do. I'm pretty sure I don't wanna stay in this ministry. But it seems silly to remove myself from permanent establishment and be relegated to contractual basis, when it might not be where I want to be after all. I'm terrified to lose that security. Coz I'm not the only one depending on me.
Fear of the unknown is crippling me. Obligations tying me up in knots.
Here I am waiting for a sign
I never seem to know
Where do I stand
I just don't know
I'm in two minds to explore
Seems I've grown attached
Should I stay
Should I go
Gabrielle ~ Should I Stay
0 mulled it over:
Post a Comment