it's confirmed... i got a letter to say i didn't get the job in the great big white building, as Z puts it... isn't it apt that it arrives on the very day i was just talking to P and she brought it up again and mused how work would be so much nearer for me and all...

i'm so so very disappointed... and rather mad at myself too...

but worse... feel this certain helplessness at the impossibility of things... felt so miserable that i'm going to be stuck in this ministry forever... yes I'm lucky to have such a nice environment at work... but I simply dun feel I'm going anywhere......... yet i also feel guilty for those who have not even secured a permanent job... why shld i be whining when i have no major complaints right... but is it so wrong to aim for better things???