Dear Abang Zul,
It's been 15 years today. How time flies. I'd be turning a quarter of a century old, you know, on my next birthday... while you'll still, forever, remain 21.
Sometimes, I get so angry over that stupid idea of yours to go racing with the guys. But I accept that things happen for a reason even when unfathomable. The question of who gets to live, or not, when or why, is not up to us to decide. I accept that all was fated even though I miss you such.
Other times, I'd wonder what it'd be like should you still be around. I'd always looked up to you (in all sense of the word ;]) and the rest of the cousins. All of you seemed so wise and grown-up and so awe-inspiring. Such was a child's point of view. I've quit the rose-tinted lenses to one which is more a shade of jade. Some decisions made have made me much disappointed, but still, I'm still the youngest of you all, so my take on things is not of much consequence, right? I'd like to think that should you still be around, you would never have caused me to be disappointed in you. But then, you did that that early morning we received that devasting phonecall.
But everything's been fated. What happened was just a reason for an inevitable conclusion. I accept that.
I'm sorry I haven't visited you for so long. I don't know how to go on my own, and neither my parents nor yours like to bring me along after the first year cause I'd get so upset. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just find it so unfair... I do accept things, but I just wish things could have been different, wish you were here...
It's been 15 years today. How time flies. I'd be turning a quarter of a century old, you know, on my next birthday... while you'll still, forever, remain 21.
Sometimes, I get so angry over that stupid idea of yours to go racing with the guys. But I accept that things happen for a reason even when unfathomable. The question of who gets to live, or not, when or why, is not up to us to decide. I accept that all was fated even though I miss you such.
Other times, I'd wonder what it'd be like should you still be around. I'd always looked up to you (in all sense of the word ;]) and the rest of the cousins. All of you seemed so wise and grown-up and so awe-inspiring. Such was a child's point of view. I've quit the rose-tinted lenses to one which is more a shade of jade. Some decisions made have made me much disappointed, but still, I'm still the youngest of you all, so my take on things is not of much consequence, right? I'd like to think that should you still be around, you would never have caused me to be disappointed in you. But then, you did that that early morning we received that devasting phonecall.
But everything's been fated. What happened was just a reason for an inevitable conclusion. I accept that.
I'm sorry I haven't visited you for so long. I don't know how to go on my own, and neither my parents nor yours like to bring me along after the first year cause I'd get so upset. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just find it so unfair... I do accept things, but I just wish things could have been different, wish you were here...
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